I haven’t posted in almost three weeks because work has been a bit intense lately and I’ve been doing some overtime and coming home exhausted. But in the midst of all the crazy, I had a realization over the weekend. Even though I’m completely wiped right now, I am extremely happy- maybe happier than I have been in a long time.
Last weekend I traveled home to the Portland area for a few family functions. While catching up with Aunts, Uncles and Cousins it occurred to me that I actually had new and exciting things to share with them rather than the standard, “Oh- work is going well. Everything else is pretty much the same. Hanging out with friends”. This is because I’ve actually been trying to do new things and check a few items off of my bucket list. For the last few months I’ve been actively creating the life I want to live rather than complaining about the one I’ve got.
You see- my life is not exactly where I thought it would be at this point. I remember when I was in the second grade and my teacher made us write about what we wanted in twenty years. While I no longer have the book she complied of all of our papers, I remember how it started- “Twenty years from now in the year 2012, I will be 28 years old and I want to be…”. While I don’t remember exactly what I wrote, I know I thought that I would be married with a kid or two, and have a red car and a house. Now, a year later in 2013 and at 29 years old, I have exactly none of those things (well, I have a car- just not red, and I rent a very nice apartment that feels like a home).
For a long time the fact that the dreams of my 8 year old self had not come to fruition did not bother me because I kept telling myself that they would come someday. Up until recently I was either in school or trying to get my career started. This was where my focus was- I did not have time to pursue a lot of other interests I held or to pursue romantic relationships. But recently, I’ve wondered if delaying those aspects of my life has been worth it as I still don’t feel as if I completely know what to do with my life. My career isn’t really where I want it to be, and I have neglected other aspects of myself.
Yes, I am still young and I know I have a lot of time to accomplish everything I want to, but I hit a point over the New Year where I was just tired of living for someday and waiting for life to happen. I needed to make it happen. So now I am working on new creative adventures, one of which is writing this blog, another is the dance classes I have recently started to take (more on that to come in a future post). And I am having so much FUN. I feel like I am living instead of waiting for things to happen- and that just feels good.
There is a great song the band Keane sings titled The Lovers Are Loosing. It’s actually kind of a depressing song if you really listen to all of the lyrics, but I love the picture they paint with the beginning of the chorus. It goes Like this:
You take the pieces of the dreams that you have
‘Cause you don’t like the way they seem to be going
You cut them up and spread them out on the floor
You’re full of hope as you begin re-arranging
Put it all back together
So here I am re-arranging my dreams. The dreams that I had at 8 years old are still good dreams, I just need to look at them through a different lens, and put them together in a different order. But just like the song- I’m hopeful as I do this, and I’m having a great time doing it!
I also want to take a minute to say a big THANK YOU to Monique from A Reel Chick who nominated my blog for a Liebster award. This is an award that bloggers give to other bloggers who are still small and have less than 200 followers. I am extremely flattered and honored by this! Thank you to everyone who is reading- I really appreciate it!